FAYETTEVILLE, Ark. — During his time at Arkansas, football coach Bret Bielema had many quotable moments. His tendency to make hilarious and cringeworthy remarks made him a must-see at SEC Media Days in recent years.
Bielema was fired following his fifth season as the Arkansas head coach, but with his gift of gab in mind, SEC Country counts down the 10 most memorable quotes from his tenure with the Hogs:
“You don’t have to ask me if we’re going to suspend anybody for the first game. That doesn’t come up in this program.” — July 13, 2016
During the 2016 offseason, Alabama, Auburn and Mississippi State faced questions about player conduct. Bielema went out of his way to declare there were no such issues at Arkansas — until senior tight end Jeremy Sprinkle was suspended for the Belk Bowl four months later after stealing from … Belk.
“I’m just looking forward to hopping on the wife.” — Nov. 7, 2015
This quote was uttered following a win at Ole Miss. He quickly corrected himself by saying “hop on the plane.”
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“If you don’t play with a fullback, we’ll kick your ass. If you throw it 70 times a game, we’ll kick your ass.” — Summer 2015
This one is according to Texas Tech coach Kliff Kingsbury, who alleges Bielema said it at a Texas high school coaches convention.
“I’m happy he got to vent, and hopefully he feels a lot better. As a coach who has been in it for 10 years, I know better than to worry about somebody that’s been around for a couple and they’re .500. So we’ll just go forward.” — Sept. 21, 2015
This was a slap at Kingsbury after he shared the previous quote.
“Great opportunity for us to play one of the best teams in college football over there. Neat thing is they’re coming here next year … unless they Michigan us.” — August 24, 2016
Michigan canceled a long-scheduled home-and-home series with Arkansas in the summer of 2016. The decision came roughly 14 months before the two teams were expected to play for just the second time ever. It did not sit well with Bielema, who invoked the Wolverines while discussing an upcoming matchup with TCU.
“Florida is kind of the new Ole Miss. They’re doing some things in recruiting that just kind of shocks you a little bit.” — Feb. 4, 2016
Ole Miss is currently bracing for NCAA sanctions following allegations of unethical recruiting practices. Before these allegations became public, Bielema used the Rebels’ perceived transgressions to take a jab at the Gators on National Signing Day in 2016. Impressively, he drew the ire of two SEC schools with one barb.
“You can take [Nick] Saban’s record when he was at Michigan State and when he was a coach in the Big Ten and put it against mine, and he can’t compare.” — March 30, 2013
It didn’t take long for Bielema to start taking shots at other SEC coaches once he arrived at Arkansas in December 2012. In just his third month on the job, Bielema trained the crosshairs on Alabama coach Nick Saban.
“I love when I hear about these programs that have five goals posted up. And No. 1 is no guns. Well, no shit.” — Jan. 12, 2015
Bielema often discussed how his program seldom had major disciplinary issues. He was right. Razorbacks players mostly kept their noses clean on his watch. Bielema dropped this quote while getting that point across at the American Football Coaches Convention in 2015.
“If you don’t have season tickets, get them now. Because it won’t be easy to get them in the future.” — Feb. 5, 2015
The months after the 2014 season were among the best of the Bielema era. Arkansas had just improved its win total by four games and crushed Texas in the Texas Bowl. Bielema was feeling great about the direction of the program when he delivered this message to the fans.
“It was a proud moment. Borderline erotic.” — July 15, 2015
When Bielema was asked how he felt as Arkansas was taking a knee at the end of that Texas Bowl win over Texas, things got a little weird.