BATON ROUGE, La. — The best part about the 4th of July is the Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest. This is not up for debate.
So, on the most hallowed of holidays, why not imagine what the contest might look like if there were some LSU football players in the field? We know they can eat. Remember the time they ate 4,000 chicken wings as a group? Yeah.
Hot dogs aren’t chicken wings. But here are my guesses for the five LSU football players who’d survive in the hot dog eating contest.
The best way to prepare for competitive eating is to pack on healthy weight in advance of the competition, expanding your stomach and your appetite. And no one is in a better position to do that than Arden Key, who has reportedly gained almost 20 pounds this offseason.
His stomach is expanding, and you know how competitive he can be. He’s not the biggest guy, but I trust him to eat.
He’s just a freshman, but he already might be the biggest guy on the team. At 345 pounds, he’s only going to keep growing. And sure, being the biggest guy on the team doesn’t make you the best eater. But it’s definitely an asset. Best-case scenario, he’s the Badlands Booker of the LSU football team.
No hot dog eating contest is complete without a scrawny guy who doesn’t seem to fit. And who would fit less in an American tradition of eating the most American food than the LSU football team’s 198-pound punter from Australia? Don’t sleep on the Aussie. They do have hot dogs down under, after all.
The dude can squat 650 pounds. If anyone on the LSU football team can eat a bunch of hot dogs and then work it off, it’s Guice. You don’t need to be big to win this contest. Heck, Joey Chestnut only weighs 230 pounds. 2015 champion Matt Stonie is only 5-foot-8, 130 pounds. Guice’s 5-foot-11, 212 pounds will be right in the wheelhouse.
You had to see this one coming. Coach O once reportedly ate 19 pots of gumbo in one week. LSU defensive tackle Tyler Shelvin once told me that Orgeron ate three servings of gumbo in the span of one in-home visit. When asked how many chicken wings he ate at the infamous Buffalo Wild Wings session, Coach O just said, “A lot.”
Coach O can eat. He’s the favorite. And he’s not dunking those buns in water. He’ll probably find a way to smuggle gumbo on stage.