Politics is a little too serious these days, but SEC football provides the perfect escape. With that in mind, we decided to have a little fun with creating a new presidential cabinet.
Some of these picks were based on people who would serve the SEC well in a similar capacity. Others were solely based on serious information, like puns and double entendres. Regardless, we feel comfortable this would be the most talented group in college football.
Here is how we would create a presidential cabinet if it was required to consist exclusively SEC personalities. Make sure and let us know your picks in the comments.
Secretary of State: Trevor Knight, Texas A&M
The SEC doesn’t have many enemies, but Bob Stoops at Oklahoma has to be high up the list. Stoops is not shy about bashing the SEC publicly. In addition to just being personable, Knight has experience with Stoops from his time at Oklahoma. Perhaps he can bridge the divide.
Secretary of the Treasury: Jimmy Sexton
If anyone will show us the money, it’s super agent Jimmy Sexton. Sexton represents Nick Saban, Gus Malzahn and several other college football personalities in contract negations. Considering those two combined to make nearly $12 million last year, I’d say Sexton is quite good at his job.
Secretary of Defense: Zach Cunningham
Before this year, Cunningham was the best player you had never heard about. The junior led the SEC in tackles and was by far the biggest catalyst for Vanderbilt’s defense. If America needs to protect its home field from foreign invaders, you can count on Cunningham to do the right thing.
Attorney General: Nick Saban
Every SEC team has dealt with its fair share of off-field issues. No program has delivered justice as quickly as Alabama. Some people debate whether the punishments are stringent enough, but Saban acts quickly and decisively. That’s what you want in an attorney general.
Secretary of the Interior: Jonathan Allen
Allen doesn’t play on the interior of the defensive line full time. It doesn’t matter. He’s there enough, and is a dominant force wherever he’s put on the field. Allen was an All-American and won several major defensive awards for his performance in the defensive front.
Secretary of Agriculture: Kingsley Keke
Unfortunately, Von Miller already graduated with his poultry science degree. No worries – enter Kingsley Keke, an agricultural leadership and development major. I can’t think of a more qualified man to run this department in the SEC.
Secretary of Commerce: Paul Finebaum
The secretary of commerce is responsible for marketing American businesses, especially to the rest of the world. No one markets the SEC to the world more vociferously than Finebaum. His show is heard by thousands every day, on the radio and SEC Network. His message took a bit of a hit with Clemson’s win in the title game, but he will certainly be back next season and ready to rumble.
Secretary of Labor: Derek Barnett
It’s hard to think of a player who consistently works harder than Barnett. The junior posted 56 tackles and a ridiculous 19.0 tackles for loss and 13.0 sacks. He added 16 QB hurries and even an interception from the defensive end position. Barnett is the man if you’re looking for a player to put the team on his back.
Secretary of Health and Human Services: Austin Allen
Unfortunately, Austin Allen’s offensive line at Arkansas was unable to keep him protected. Ultimately, Allen was sacked 34 times in 13 games with the Razorbacks. His experience being pulled to the ground will help him empathize with the struggle to maintain wellness for all Americans. He can also consult his teammate, Brooks Ellis, who is on the pre-med track.
Secretary of Housing and Urban Development: Mark Stoops
When Mark Stoops arrived at Kentucky, the program was in major decline. After a couple years of solid recruitment, Stoops leveraged the progress into a surprising bowl season and win over rival Louisville. His long-term vision and experience with development will serve him well in whatever hypothetical administration he serves in.
Secretary of Transportation: Leonard Fournette
No player is more qualified to transport a football 100 yards across the field and into the end zone than Fournette. One of the SEC’s best running backs, Fournette ran for nearly 4,000 yards in an abbreviated career at LSU. He’d surely hire some top LSU linemen to ensure that the roads are clear for all citizens.
Secretary of Energy: Ed Orgeron
It’s difficult to think of a more energetic person in football than Ed Orgeron. The LSU coach brings more fire and bravado to his news conferences than most people bring to the actual sporting events. His charisma will be a welcome addition to Capitol Hill.
Secretary of Education: Josh Dobbs
Did you know Josh Dobbs is studying aeronautical engineering? You probably did. However, Dobbs’ charisma and intelligent persona will be perfect to inspire advancement in American public schools. Don’t be surprised to see Dobbs doing great things with his life when his football career is officially over.
Secretary of Veterans Affairs: Luke Del Rio
You don’t play at three different programs in four years without learning a thing or two. Even though Del Rio is only set to be a junior next year, he’s already been around the block. Whether learning as a walk-on at Alabama, a backup at Oregon State or a starter at Florida, Del Rio has interacted with many types of people. He will best be able to protect their interests.
Secretary of Homeland Security: Cam Robinson
If you want to keep your offensive backfield safe, you need a standout left tackle to keep opponents at bay. For that reason, Robinson is the guy. Listed at 6-6 and 310 pounds, Robinson has been a starter since he was a freshman and should be one of the first linemen off the board.